Thursday, January 18, 2007

Dear Hanes

Dear Hanes Underwear Company:

RE: The Perfect Panty

Tuesday night, I purchased a two pack of your NEW and IMPROVED Perfect Panties. Only because I'm in dire need of undergarments. (and they were on sale)

The spiffy smoke colored plastic packaging was fine, although the hole on the side to feel The Perfect Panty was a tad unnerving. (I'd rather not have the world fondle my Perfect Panties)
They are light and airy, and both pair are just a dandy color. Thanks for that. They're also very good for ones morale, since upon taking them from the package, they appear quite small. That is a good thing.

Upon donning The Perfect Panty, I was surprised to note that they're quite comfortable, almost giving one the sensation of going commando. That too is a good thing. I enjoy going commando as much as the next person, but since I wear skirts most working days, I'm in constant horror of the skirt flying up revealing my naughty bits to the world. Which is downright horrifying. So I don't.

Alas, I do have issue with your claim that they don't ride up. They DON'T ride up so much as ride over and situate themselves firmly in the crack of your ass. If I wanted a thong, I would have bought a thong. I don't and I didn't. This is where the incredible lightness of being The Perfect Panty is a problem. Removing The Perfect Panty from one's crack is difficult when you can't even FIND it. Therefore resulting in major crack digging. Not pretty, attractive OR professional. So I was forced to the restroom several times yesterday to mine The Perfect Panty out of my crack.

Today I'm wearing the other pair, and dress pants. So far, so good. No riding over and no crack mining. Your new Perfect Panties are right on target, Hanes. Good job! My jeans and I thank you.

Sincerely yours,

Amy S. Blogger

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