Thursday, January 25, 2007

Aw, Come On Now!

It's not that I don't like children. I love children. Kids have a great (Mostly) untarnished view of the universe and aren't afraid to tell it like it is. I've encountered a few would should be put over daddy's knee and smacked (oh! horror! child abuse! NOT. No means no and if you continue doing something after being told NO you're going to pay the price. If there is nothing to back up the warning, then they'll continue doing what they're not supposed to do because there are no consequences) But these kids are just random apes I've encountered in stores, acting like heathens, not kiddos I know personally. I don't know any smart mouth kids who push people's buttons because they can. Or hang on clothes racks in stores. Or run screaming up and down the aisles of Target.

So don't get all high horsey thinking that when I refer to "SUV baby carriages pushing Precious around...." that I don't like kids. I do. Very much. I didn't choose to have any. I'm selfish like that. (And with the state of the world today, I'm kind of glad I made that decision) It's the parents I don't like. Which is good, because those parents are mostly the ones I bitch about on this blog. Parents who are stupid, ignorant human beings who believe they (and their kids) are the center of the universe and have no regard for their fellow Earthlings. This isn't the kid's fault, it's the mindset of their idiot parents.

Babies, however, don't impress me all that much. When people show me pictures of newborns and look at me expectantly, I say something like, "Oh how cute." I'm not going to back myself into a corner trying to say that this little larvae looks JUST LIKE HER UNCLE JIM ON DADDY'S SIDE. Hell no.

"Oh how cute" is as far as I'm going there. Little brand new babies scare me more than the dentist. So I avoid them like the plague. Kittens, calves, foals, deer, whatever four leggeds you show me will evoke a big AWWWWW, but small red, bald bawling things make me very, very nervous. Even when EmmyPete were born I was somewhat alarmed by them. (Now that they're big, they really scare me, mostly because they're both smarter than 80% of the grownups I deal with out in the real world.) I like kids when they're old enough to talk and can impart some of their unfiltered wisdom on me. I've had some very interesting chats with small kids. The thought process before it goes thru the system is an amazing thing. More adults should try it. Thinking that is.

So thats the kid rant. Some of it anyway. It's not the kids I don't like, it's the parental units, or at least the adults disguised as parental units. Bad parenting is a rant for another day. I'm uncomfortable saying much about bad parenting, since I haven't done any parenting, good or bad, but that has never stopped me from a commentary. I do think I'd have enough sense to NOT think it's a good idea to send my kids on a sleepover with Michael Jackson.

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