Tuesday, January 04, 2005

How About A Little Stupid to Start The Day?

I saw this woman on the news this morning. Nothing like a little rampant stupidity to get my day off to a raring start:

"State police arrested a Juniata County man for not only stealing a vehicle but the baby left inside!
It happened at 10 PM Sunday night in Howe Township, Perry County. A woman parked her Jeep outside a Giant supermarket to use a payphone. She left the Jeep running with the lights blinking and her one-year old daughter inside. State police say 30 year-old Richard Lockett of McAlisterville pulled up and stole her Jeep. Police found the abandoned Jeep a short distance away with the baby still in the carseat, unharmed. Lockett was eventually arrested and charged with theft and kidnapping."

What kind of idiot mouthbreather leaves a one year old baby in a car?! Ever! I'm not the most maternal person on the planet, but I'm certainly not thinking I'd ever leave a one year old kid in a car. WITH THE KEYS IN THE IGNITION AND THE MOTOR RUNNING. They interviewed the mother, who said, "I'll never ever leave her again! Not for a phone call, not to run in and get a soda..nothing!" Well, hello, why would you do it in the first place? Most baby seats now you can unhitch and bring the whole thing with you. Oh wait, heres a thought....carry the baby with you..ooh..aaah..

Why would you have a one year old kid out running around on a Sunday night at 10 pm anyway? Aren't little babies supposed to be sleeping at home around that time?

Oh, and the short distance away, that the vehicle was abandoned? I'm familiar with the area this incident took place, and the short distance was about 30 yards. Mr. Rocket Scientist Jeep-napper probably saw the baby, went 'Aw Shit' and abandoned the Jeep simultaneously. (In all likelihood, he wasn't chewing gum, so he could accomplish all three actions at once.) So now they're going to throw the book at this butthead, not only for thieving cars, but for kidnapping as well. Hmph. I'm thinking the doting (or is that dolting?) Momma should have some kind of charge filed against her as well. But thats just me. Im' still annoyed 2 hours after I saw it on the news.

But wait, theres more:

GREENSBURG, Pa. (AP) It may have looked cool when Jimi Hendrix did it at the Monterey Pop Festival, but things didn't work out so well for a Greensburg man who set his guitar on fire in his apartment.
Police say 43-year-old David Kemerer was treated for burns to his lower legs after torching his guitar Wednesday. The fire spread to debris littering the floor of Kemerer's apartment, but fire-fighters were able to extinguish the blaze before it spread. Officials at Westmoreland Regional Hospital wouldn't release Kemerer's condition, citing new federal privacy

Kids don't try this at home. Can I list the reasons why?! Let's start with setting the guitar on fire IN the apartment. LITTERED WITH DEBRIS. 43 years old?! One would assume one would know better. (yeah, yeah, assume = ass/u/me..bite me) Idiot. Wanna bet alcohol was involved? Come on, somebody bet me.

Again. Idiot. Mouthbreather.

CLEVELAND (AP) - Elecia Battle's reputation is on the ropes. A year after she gained instant fame by claiming that she lost a winning Mega Millions ticket worth $162 million - until the real winner turned up - Battle says it's hard for her to find a job. So she's decided to become a professional boxer instead. The 41-year-old said she's been training for seven months and will be ready to make her debut in January. Her ring name? "Mega Battle." Battle got her state boxing license in June, noting her criminal record on her application. "I can knock a 20-year-old out. I'm in great shape," she said. And she still insists she thought she bought that winning ticket. Battle said since then she's struggled to find work. "It's been complicated getting a job. 'Aren't you that lady ...?' I can't go anywhere without people knowing who I am," she said. Battle said she's always been athletic and practiced tae kwon do before deciding to give boxing a go. She trains with Romeo Conner, who has taught boxers for 20 years. He said he's never talked to her about the lottery scandal, and he believes in Battle's dedication to boxing. "If she was pretending, I would have known by now," Conner said. "I deliberately make stuff extremely hard and she keeps coming back the next day. You can't do nothing but take her serious." Battle has no regrets about her lottery claim and she still plays the lottery today. She still says she didn't lie to police. "All I can remember is I thought the ticket was mine," she said. "I did purchase a ticket. I haven't changed my story. I'm not going to change it."

No, really, I didn't lie to the police. Really. I can't get a job because I bought and lost a lottery ticket. Everyone thinks I'm a liar. I guess taking up a career in boxing is easier than relocating to someplace where nobody knows your face. "Yes, I thought it was my ticket. I didn't lie. I really need the job since I didn't win the Mega Millions."

If I roll my eyes any harder, I'm going to hurt myself.

On that note, I'm finished. At least for the time being.

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