Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Foul Language

I love to swear. I don't know why, I just love me some cussin. It's fun. It shocks some people. You get your point across.

I worked in a state prison for 9 years. It was almost a prerequisite to have a foul fucking mouth. It certainly wasn't frowned upon, thats for sure. Fuck yes.

As one matures, and gets out more in the 'real world', swearing isn't looked upon with anything other than contempt. "People who have no other language skills swear because they're not educated." My ass.

As a lady, one can't cuss out that dumb bitch behind the counter at the bank when she short changes you, and you don't catch it til you're halfway back to work. Oh hell no. One cannot drop something in a store or public area and holler OH FUCK! It's not looked upon with favor.

But at my house, you can rest assured the air is blue. Slam a finger in a drawer, "Holy Fucking Hell that HURTS!" Drop and break anything, "Shit Fucking Damn" "Dammit to Fuckin Hell"

I do try to steer away from Cod Damn and CheeznRice. I think that even though I have some good karma points, using these two would tend to take away from said points. However, a good Goddammit does come in handy, as well as Jeeeeeeezus Keeeeeeeeeyrist.......I'll send a little extra to the church this month.

Somewhere I heard or read a bit from David Crosby about creative swearing. And how it's a beautiful thing to string together cuss words and make blue poetry. Naturally I can't find that fucking quote right now. It fucking figures. Stupid shit anyway. DC made some reference to how it's so common to just swear using single cuss words, but it's truly an art form to lovingly construct artful profanity. Asshole that I am, I didn't write that down, but what the hell do you expect.

When my father was alive, he and his friends cussed in regular conversation, but fuck wasn't one of the more commonly used words. It was mostly used as the function, the verb. "Linda is fucking Bob, you know" or "The VA really fucked him over on that..." I used fuck in normal conversation once, and my Father actually recoiled. "Amy!" he said in his stern Daddy voice. I was mindful of the fuckspeak after that. I did, however, string together a great many fucks in one sentence the day I slammed my hand in the car door at Homeless Depot. Somehow saying fuck over and over was a fitting soundtrack to my swelling purple fingers.

My Mom rarely swears. And when she does, it's very alien. She's good for dropping an "Oh Shit!" every once in awhile. And it's more funny than anything. She hates it when I swear, because nice ladies don't swear. (In Mom's world, nice ladies don't have pierced ears either. She wept when I came home with 3 holes in each ear) So I keep the cussing to a minimum around her. Except when I want to make a point, whereupon I throw in a good venomous FUCK for emphasis. She hates that. It's neat to watch her twitch.

Fuck is probably my favorite swear of all. It's very useful, and can be used in so many ways. I'm sure by this point, all of us have received the email regarding the wide range of the word. Gee Frank, you're fucked now. Oh man I was so fucked up. Fuck! That fuckin' fuck stole my fucking car..and on and on. I like it, but it isn't widely accepted in the public eye, um, ear. I like to use it as a long word. Drawn out nicely. Oh Fuuuuuuucckk..... Ralphie in The Christmas Story comes to mind.

Shit is also very useful. Shit is a word that I used everywhere. Oh shit, I forgot to mail that letter. Well shit man, you shoulda called me. Shit on toast, thats a nasty mess right there. Shit Man! I haven't seen you in years! Shit fire. Shit a brick. Shit my pants. (not since I quit drinking tequila), shit or get off the pot. I could go on for hours. But I won't.

I'm not sure hell and damn even count for anything but add on words. Well hell, it's nice to see you. You're a helluva sight for sore eyes. Dammit Jim I am not a Doctor! Hell yes I'd love another beer. Dammit all to hell. I knew I forgot something..again, I could go on for hours.

Bitch and bastard. The King and Queen of cuss words. Bitch is great. I love it. I use it. (Ain't that a bitch...boy you sure bitched up that car and so on) Bastard tends to rub people the wrong way. I didn't think so til prior to my Dad's passing. After one of our hospital trips, someone asked me how he was, I replied, "He's too much of a grumpy old bastard to die..." They all looked very appalled at me for calling him a bastard. I didn't mean it in the bad way. Just a figure of speech. I feel really, really badly about that particular conversation, in light of recent history, but I can't take it back.

The "C" word used mostly to describe women, or women's parts. Nope. Never. Maybe twice in the past year. And thats been in extreme fucking anger. It's ugly and sounds excessively mean. Cocksucker is the same way, but given how I feel about the oral thing, I've never quite understood why cocksucker is usually used in the negative way. I don't use it much either. Mostly the anatomical words don't much come up when you've dropped half the used toner down the front of your white sweater.

I do believe I have finally come to the fucking end of this thing. Blame it on War Wagon, I told him a story about a foot stomping, cussing fit I threw in Niagara Falls last winter, and it made him laugh, which gave me something fucking else to blog about.

Please be so kind to add 'Fuckwits' to the list. I like it. Found out here in the blogosphere.

Also, oddly enough, with my joy of swearing, when I'm in a hot and heavy clinch with Mr. Right (now), and he says, "ooh dirty to me...." Fuck if I don't have a coddamed thing to say.

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