Sunday, December 19, 2004

Clean Up Aisle 13

The weather forecasters are starting their usual winter doom and gloom today. Chance of a winter storm and temperatures in the single digits! With the wind chills taking the temps down to negative single digits! Ooohhh aaahhh.....This is the cry for all the sheep to go running to the grocery store to stock up on bread, milk and eggs.

I, being a mere lemming, as opposed to a full blown sheep, went for kerosene. I got 100 gallons of fuel oil delivered two weeks, ago, but being the paranoid I am, I just wanted to make sure there was something in the tank. So I got 10 gallons of kero. That will at least keep the furnace going if the fuel oil is all gone (unlikely, but I can't be sure)

Since I was out, and it was only 9 in the morning, I thought I'd take the opportunity to roll over to the Big K and get some toys for the two kids on my list.

As I'm wandering up and down the toy aisles, looking for a Barbie that didn't look like a whore, I noticed 3 Big K staffers congregated at the end of one of the aisles. Sniffing the air and looking on the floor. I'm nosy, so I made my way down there to eavesdrop. "Man I can really smell it here" says the one Big K guy. "Oh, I smell it over here too.." the Big K managerial type says. "I wonder where it's coming from?" says the third. Finally after listening to this, it dawns on me they're trying to find the source of a kerosene smell.

"Hey guys", I say, "If you're smelling kerosene, it's me. I just filled up with it and I got some on my coat." "Oh", said the managerial one. "We were trying to locate the source of a spill." She looked very disappointed that it was just some klutz who splashed kero on herself instead of a terrorist
hazmat assault on Kmart the Sunday before Christmas. They all shot me dirty looks and dispersed to their stations in the store. I found a Barbie who looked less trampy than the rest, and got the hell out of there.

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