Sunday, November 21, 2004

Damn Cats

Some people wake to the sounds of birds chirping. Every day it's a catfight in my house.

My oldest cat, Bertha The Terrible, lives under my bed. She's 15, and hates all of the other cats. Hates them with a passion. I suppose the fact that they attack her every chance they get is a contributing factor to her hatred. Hell, she dosen't even like me. Anyway, she lives under the bed. Has her own litter box (which being in my bedroom tends to be cleaned more than the other ones) and her own water dish. She sits under the bed and growls and howls and hisses at the mere sight of one of the other cats. Who flock to the bed at 5:00 am to wake me up, lest they starve to death. I eventually get up and go downstairs, with all four of them running downstairs to wait. (Well trained, arent' I?) They get crunchies and the can of 9-Lives all divved up between their four bowls. Berta UNDER the kitchen island, hissing and growling at the rest of them. It's a lovely way to start the day...and yet I still drink coffee. Go figure.

But wait. Yesterday was better.

After the feeding frenzy, everyone troops back upstairs to lay in the bed, chew their feet, lick their toes, and get ready for the day's events. Nap upstairs. Move downstairs. Check the food dishes. Nap. Get up. Greet me at the door. Check the food bowls. Nap. It's a tough friggin life, let me tell ya.


After the toe licking, the striped cat, John Doe, hopped up on the linen cupboard beside my bed. I keep a big crock of water up their for them, so they don't drink out of the toilet. He drinks. Turns to jump back down onto the foot of my bed, pauses, and projectile barfs this huge stream of water and catfood. I shriek, roll out of bed (even though I'm a good 5 feet away, you can't be too careful with cat projectile vomiting) He runs and hides, and the other cats scatter. Eew, man. How gross.
After I get my guts back, I inspect the hurl, and to my great relief find that it didn't hit the bed, just the glass on the front of the cupboard, and did the big splat on the floor. Armed with a roll of paper towels, and my trusty bottle of Clorox cleanup, it went away. And I was left with the image of kitty projective barfing in my brain.

Just thought I'd share the love with ya'll.

Have a great day. It's pretty foggy this morning. It's a surreal scene outside, the newspaper guy's flashing yellow light made for some odd special effects in the fog. Oooohh....coool man....

By the by, I have noticed a lack of humor in my posts of late. I promise I'll get better. I have to go back to being my snark-a-licious self and seeing the humor in all things. Really. I promise!

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