Whoo boy, now THAT was fun. Can't Wait to do it again..NOT

Last night I was invited down to the friends (see the Drama post) house for a 'hen party' You know, girls, get together, drink a little, eat a little, bullshit a little. Sounds like fun, eh? I was sitting here at the Ranch, thinking, "Okay, buddy, it's been a long dramatic week for you, maybe you should go down and unwind. Couple beers, some laughs, just what you need.

Uh huh.

I showed up and there was one other girl there. A chick I never met who Pook has gone on and on about for weeks. "Heidi is so wonderful, she went to Oklahoma State on a golf scholarship, she's a marketing analyst, she owns a house, she's sooo good with the kids." Okay, cool, can't wait to meet her. She's 27. (Golf Scholarship to OK State, whooo wheee.....anyone else wanna take a shot at that one? I'm tired)

She looked like me when I was 27. No shit. Curly hair, plump. Jeans, tie dyed shirt, sneakers, the whole bit. I was stunned. She's also a drunk. Matching me two beers for every one I drank. Hmm. Loud. Rude. I couldn't believe it. I mentioned later to Pook that she looked like me when I was that age. She stopped at looked at me for a long time. "Y'know, you're right"
REEAALLLY? And lets just put another point in the "Trying to Capture the Past" column. Cheeesh.

Anyway.

After that shock wore off, of course the children were rare form, throwing themselves at Heidi and I for attention, screaming, talking loud, just being what they are, spoiled, obnoxious kids. That went on for two hours. Finally, the youngest hoodlum lay down and went to sleep, while the other, the MOST obnoxious one kept at it. And at it and at it. Lord. Pook, Heidi & I repaired to the bedroom so the most obnoxious would go to sleep, as she had a soccer game at 9:30 this am.

I spent the next two hours listening to this girl tell stories AT THE TOP OF HER VOICE, most of which entailed her and Pook doing stupid shit, while intoxicated, that I didn't think anyone over 24 would do.

Heidi finally left around midnight, and we went to bed. Pook explained we would be having a busy morning today, so we better hit it now.

Pook is catering her nephew's bachelor party today. Dig it: Oysters, shrimp, clams, bbq ribs, cole slaw, pasta salad and steamed crabs. Plus an open bar. Pook is done all the cooking and running, Heidi is being her assistant, and Lush, the neediest of the drunk friends will be bartending. Oh, and don't forget the dancers/strippers/hookers whatever they are for entertainment. For thirty yes, 30, young men (21-27).

Ahem.

So this morning, we ran to Lancaster to find Pook a proper outfit for the wedding next week, and 'whore shoes' as she called them. Mind you Lancaster is 40 miles from my house, and 70 from hers. the kids' dad showed up to take them to the soccer game, Pook is talking TO the kids, and not even making eye contact with Dad, as we roll out the door. We go to this 'wonderful' mall (shoot me) walk around for almost 2 hours, find nothing, and drive home by way of the crab house to pick up a bushel of steamed crabs.

We left her house around 9:00, got to the crab place at 1:00, got back home at 3:00. In this span of time, Pook had NO LESS than 6 phone calls. She talks LOUDLY on the cell phone, and goes on and on and on. Store, restaurant, car, wherever, she talks loudly. Oy. (Oh, and dumb me had to show her how to download custom ringtones. Of all the hundreds of songs she could pick, she chose....The Ramones, I Wanna Be Sedated. But dosen't know how to adjust the ringer volume, so it's loud, loud, loud...)

We get back to her place at 3:00, hubby (separated) and their kids are there, some pleasantries are exchanged, and she starts loading provisions in the car to take to the party. The oldest throws herself on the floor, wraps her arms around Pook's legs and starts screaming and sobbing, "NO MOMMY DON'T GO!! PLEASE DON"T GO! I DON'T WANNA GO TO GRAMMIES HOUSE TONIGHT! NOOOO NOOOOO NOOOOO" The youngest joins in, so there she is, holding 20 pounds of pasta salad while the drama children are revving up for another go 'round.

I left. Fast. "See ya, Love ya bye" and jumped in my car.

Sucks to be her. (And I can't even begin to go into all the assumed dramas she feels she has to shoulder as well as her pot smoking, antique dealing separated husband....I could blog hourly and STILL not get far enough into THAT. Lord.)

I love my life. I'm going to take to the couch now. Wasting time? So what? Bite me.

Reading back thru this makes me really sad, and I wish I could say I was making it up.

But I'm not.

Couch anyone?