Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Tips for CHRISTMAS shopping

So I thought I'd go out after work and tie up some loose ends, giftie wise.

Traffic sucked! I mean SUCKED. Honestly, where did these people learn to drive?

Anyway, before I get off onto that rant, I'd like to share some tips:

I'm all for parent/child fun/bonding. It's great, it's cute. However, it is NOT cute to swing your child by his hands IN THE AISLE of a crowded store. It is NOT cute when said swinging child is squealing with glee in a voice that would cut glass. Not cool. AT ALL. And don't get all haughty and pissy when people give you the piss eye.

Children in stores should be supervised at all times. Nuff said.

If you're going to argue amongst yourselves, pull the car totally off the side of the road. Note to the people in the cranberry colored Windstar...MOST of your van was on the side of the road, the rest was still in traffic. Whatever you two were yelling about must have been good, because you didn't see the mile of cars waiting in traffic behind you. At least while I was waiting for traffic to move, I could do a dramatic rendition of what y'all were fighting about. Heh, I know it was fighting.

High Beams. For the love of God, your car has been equipped with a high beam/low beam switch. I know this is still standard equipment, because my mechanic Jack says so. Flip it to LOW when you're driving around the maul, when you're driving in any kind of traffic whatsoever, and when you have approaching vehicles. Also when you approach a vehicle from behind. Being blind is not an advantage when it comes to driving. Really. And while I'm at it, if it's raining or twilight or dawn, turn your lights on. Especially..ESPECIALLY if your car is silver, gray or another bland neutral color. They blend so well with the surrounding environment. Fuckheads.

When another checkout lane opens, and you go stampeding over to be FIRST, I'm happy for you. Really. There is no need to turn around with that gloaty look like, "Ha! Beat ya! I won" Fuck you. Chances are that I haven't moved out of line, and while you're quibbling about some piddling coupon, I'm on my way out to the parking lot.

Ticking your tongue and sighing dosen't make cashiers move any faster. Curb your attitude or shop on the internet. Get over yourself.

You don't own the checkout lane. You aren't paying to live there, so theres no reason for you, your husband, two carts and two kids to be totally blocking the lane. If your husband is that pussywhipped that he dosen't know how to check out at a department store, I'd suggest you let him off his leash more. And furthermore, don't cop attitude when I say EXCUSE ME after standing there for awhile, when hubby dearest fumbles around with his wallet. Curb your kids too.

So now gentle readers, that is the end of my rant for the evening. I'm off to dine now, and perhaps wrap some gifts. Or can cookies. Whatever. Have a lovely eeeeveing.

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